40 questions for Christians who oppose gay marriage–answered by a Christian.

I stumbled upon this article on Facebook a couple of days ago. It came at a very appropriate time, because of the Supreme Court’s ruling a few weeks ago. I’m going to keep this introduction short because the rest of this is going to get long. Please ignore any sarcastic outbursts and please try and get past my “barking dog” defense. I have answered every question honestly and held nothing back. This is not an attack on LGBTs, the act itself, or on anyone. I’m simply taking questions someone in the world of the internet wanted answered. I hope this clears the air for some and defends my faith at the same time. So..I guess let’s get to it.

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  1. Do you accept that sexual orientation is not a choice?

No. It’s absolutely a choice. It’s a sexual choice just like premarital sex is a sexual choice.

  1. Do you accept that sexual orientation is highly resistant to attempts to change it?

Yes. But, so are addictions, bad habits, and opinions—all of which CAN be changed.

  1. How many meaningful relationships with LGBT people do you have?

Not many, but I live in a very small town where the LGBT population is pretty low. That’s not to say I’m not around them so I can’t understand them — that’s an unfair assumption.

  1. How many openly LGBT would say you are one of their closest friends?

Probably only one. I was the first person this person admitted being gay to, so I’d call that pretty meaningful. I also love this individual very dearly and would do anything and everything for them.

  1. How much time have you spent in one-on-one conversation with LGBT Christians about their faith and sexuality?

I mean, how specific do you want this? Many, many, many hours.

  1. Do you accept that heterosexual marriage is not a realistic option for most gay people?

No. Many people who admit to being gay later in life had 20+ years of successful heterosexual marriage. This question is like asking if I think drug addicts, murderers, abusers, etc. are unlikely to ever stop what they’re doing. Each person has the ability to overcome whatever is ailing them. (NO I’m not comparing gay people to any of the aforementioned people, don’t go there).

  1. Do you accept that lifelong celibacy is the only valid option for most gay people?

No. Where did that idea even come from? Is this because if I say I don’t agree with someone who’s gay getting married they just have to remain gay and never marry? Like oh they’re gay but I don’t agree with marriage so they just have to be celibate? I think you’ve misunderstood me somewhere. I don’t just disagree with gay marriage, I disagree with homosexuality entirely. 

  1. How many gay brothers and sisters in Christ have you walked with on the path of mandatory celibacy, and for how long?

No one I know (gay or straight) is practicing lifelong celibacy. I wouldn’t say that’s a common practice anymore. I would never say to a gay person “whelp. Guess you have to be celibate for life, but let me walk you through it.” Are people doing this?

  1. What is your answer for gay Christians who struggled for years to live out a celibacy mandate but were driven to suicidal despair in the process?

Jesus.

  1. Has mandatory celibacy produced good fruit in the lives of most gay Christians you know?

Again, I know no people practicing celibacy on purpose. And to produce fruit they would be doing good works in the sight of the Lord, so this isn’t a valid question. Anyone living in sin cannot be producing fruit at the same time. That’s not even a stab at homosexuals alone. That’s ANYONE living in sin. ANYONE. Myself included.

  1. How many married same-sex couples do you know?

Like know them personally? Or know OF? Because personally I know 3, but I know OF more.

  1. Do you believe that same-sex couples’ relationships can show the fruit of the Spirit? (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control)

No. First let me correct that terminology because it’s been taken from a new version Bible (by the way this particular selection is found in Galations 5:22). The fruits are love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance. And just picking out that verse doesn’t work. You have to read the verses before AND after. So allow me starting at v.16 “This I say then, walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye CANNOT DO THE THINGS THAT YE WOULD. But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before as I have also told you in the past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the Kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit” So that being said, you cannot have the fruits of the Spirit if you have not accepted Christ. You have to crucify your flesh DAILY to obtain these fruits. Sexual choices = lust of the flesh. So no, they cannot show fruit. I realize that this question was to be used against me saying they cannot love, etc. Can they experience those particular things from an emotional mindset? Yes. But it’s not spiritual, nor will it flourish or be OF the Spirit. 

  1. Do you believe that it is possible to be a Christian and support same-sex marriage in the church?

No, that goes against everything God’s Word says. I believe it’s possible to be a Christian and LOVE same-sex couples because we do love them and we are commanded to do so. However, loving them, praying for them, and giving them grace does not mean accepting or agreeing with their choices. I love my mother dearly and care for her but I don’t celebrate or condone her being an alcoholic. It’s the same thing. I love her, but I don’t accept or agree with her choice.

  1. Do you believe that it is possible to be a Christian and support slavery?

Wait, what? Is this the same list of questions I was given in the beginning?

  1. If not, do you believe that Martin Luther, John Calvin, and Jonathan Edwards were not actually Christians because they supported slavery?

First of all, what does this have to do with same-sex marriage? Second of all, you can’t even place these three in the same category, for they didn’t have the same set of beliefs. Martin Luther is seen as the original Protestant because he went against the Catholic Church and John Calvin and Jonathan Edwards are Calvinists. Two very different sets of beliefs. So because they agree on one thing (I honestly don’t know their views on slavery) they’re the same? It doesn’t work that way.  And again, where is this going? When did this turn into a debate over slavery? Do you think Britney Spears isn’t a real singer because she lip synced a couple of concerts? 

  1. Do you think supporting same-sex marriage is a more serious problem than supporting slavery?

I think they’re both wrong and no wrong is above the other. Wrong is wrong.

  1. Did you spend any time studying the Bible’s passages about slavery before you felt comfortable believing that slavery is wrong?

OHHHH now I see where you’re going with this. You’re trying to get me to contradict myself so you can use that against me. The answer is yes, I’ve looked to my Bible, maybe not what is says about slavery as far as human rights specifically but I can tell you to look what slavery did to a lot of lands in the Bible. Also look at where homosexuality landed Sodom and Gomorrah.

  1. Does it cause you any concern that Christians throughout most of church history would have disagreed with you?

No, it doesn’t. Christians disagree with me today, on every day issues. I see where you’re going with this, too. If I were to say “that was a different time period,” (which I wouldn’t) you could say “well the Bible was written 2000 years ago this is a different time so it’s a different interpretation.” However, the same issues we have going on today were going on 2000 years ago. There was murder, adultery, idolatry, homosexuality, and fornication going on in both the New Testament and the Old Testament. So the argument of “a book written 2000 years ago can’t say what’s going on today is wrong” because it can, it does, and it will. Nicely played, though. Nice sneak attack, there.

  1. Did you know, that, for most of church history, Christians believed that the Bible taught the earth stood still at the center of the Universe?

Here we go again. This was a Catholic belief and teaching, not a Christian belief. Galileo discovered that the Earth was not the center, but instead orbiting around the earth. The Catholic Church refused to accept his findings and thus put a ban on his findings for a number of years. The Roman Catholic Church was very attached to Aristotle’s teachings and Galileo was going against those teachings and proving the opposite.  Galileo wasn’t trying to prove that the Catholic Church was wrong, but instead that the scriptures used to support his findings had an earthbound point of reference. But, it’s expected you would ask this question because this “Galileo affair” has been used for ages to knock Christianity and Biblical views. Next question, please. (This is NOT an attack on the Catholic Church so don’t go there either. This is a factual paragraph written in history books so you’re free to go look it up if you would like).

  1. Does it cause you any concern that you disagree with their interpretation of the Bible?

No, I’m not Catholic, so I don’t share a lot of their beliefs or interpretations. Catholics also use a different Bible than I do soo.. (AGAIN not an attack on Catholics. I’m simply stating I’m not a practicing Catholic so I don’t share their same beliefs.)

  1. Did you spend any time studying the Bible’s verses on the topic before you felt comfortable believing that the Earth revolves around the sun?

Yep. I even attended a weekend long seminar on the subject: Science & the Bible. All materials from that seminar can be found here.

  1. Do you know of any Christian writers before the 20th century who acknowledged that gay people must be celibate for life due to the church’s rejection or same-sex relationships?

I don’t know of any person ever saying “if you’re gay you have to be celibate.” I’ve never heard that in my life. But I do know of an author who wrote against same-sex relationships before the 20th century: God.

  1. If not, might it be fair to say that mandating celibacy for gay Christians is not a traditional position?

I would 100% agree that that’s not a traditional position. I don’t know that celibacy is a modern practice. I said that in a previous question. Celibacy is not a normal sexual practice just like homosexuality is not a normal sexual practice. Both go against the laws of nature. 

  1. Do you believe that the Bible explicitly teaches that all gay Christians must be single and celibate for life?

No. I believe the Bible explicitly teaches that all sinners must repent and accept salvation through Jesus Christ to receive everlasting life.

  1. If not, do you feel comfortable affirming something that is not explicitly affirmed in the Bible?

See above answer – that’s 1000000000% affirmed in the Bible.

  1. Do you believe that the moral distinction between lust and love matters for LGBT’s romantic relationships?

Yes. Just as it matters for heterosexual relationships–lust is to be avoided.

  1. Do you think that loving, same-sex relationships should be assessed in the same way as the same-sex behavior Paul explicitly describes as lustful in Romans 1?

Again, it’s a sexual choice—which translates to a lustful choice. So, yes, I do. Just because someone may not like the harsh words God uses through Paul in this chapter doesn’t mean you can dispute it or ignore it.  God’s feelings have not changed in 2000 years.  

  1. Do you believe that Paul’s use of the terms “shameful” and “unnatural” in Romans 1:26-27 means that all same-sex relationships are sinful?

Can I ask you what Bible you’re using? Because those verses in my Bible read “For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature. And likewise, also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.” I don’t see the terms “shameful” and “unnatural” in there. However, yes, I believe that these relations mentioned go against nature and God himself—which would make them sinful.

  1. Would you say the same about Paul’s description of long hair in men as “shameful” and against “nature” in 1 Corinthians 11:14, or would you say he was describing cultural norms of his time?

1 Corinthians 11:14 reads “doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?” Since you’re reading without proper knowledge of the Bible, you’re missing the part that Jewish men under law had different rules about their hair than Christian men (Leviticus 19:27, Numbers 6:5, Judges 13:5). Paul is talking to CHRISTIANS here, not Jewish men. If you keep reading (instead of picking verses out) you will see two verses later that “We have no such custom, neither the churches of God.” So grow your hair out. SURPRISE! It’s allowed. Don’t be so contentious. Wait, when did this become about hair?

  1. Do you believe that the capacity for procreation is essential to marriage?

No. Not every marriage involves procreation.

  1. If so, what does that mean for infertile heterosexual couples?

I can’t explain God’s plan for people’s lives—nor will I try.

  1. How much time have you spent engaging with the writings of LGBT-affirming Christians like Justin Lee, James Brownson, and Rachel Murr?

I haven’t, but I’m not so close minded that I wouldn’t be open to looking into their writings.However, it doesn’t change my beliefs on homosexuality based on what I’ve read and studied in the Bible. I believe in loving LGBT, praying for them, and giving them grace. If a LGBT walked into my church I would greet them with open arms and a loving heart. I would not turn them away, nor condemn them– that’s not my job. My job is to love them—but again that doesn’t mean I accept or condone the sin. I love them like I love everyone else.  I think that’s what’s happened in Christianity today. Somewhere in the years the definition of loving like Jesus means accepting sin. It absolutely doesn’t. Accepting that we all sin, sure, but not condoning those sins. 

  1. What relationship recognition short of marriage do you support for same-sex couples?

A relationship with Jesus Christ.

  1. What are you doing to advocate for these rights?

Praying fervently.

  1. Do you know who Tyler Clementi, Leelah Alcorn, and Blake Brockington are, and did your church offer any kind of prayer for them when their deaths made national news?

I am familiar with all three individuals’ situations. They are all horribly tragic. I was not a member at my current church when any of these deaths happened so I can’t answer what my church did or did not do at that time. However I can tell you that I personally offered them prayer, their families, their communities, their friends, and any other person struggling with the same issues. I still pray for all of these people and the aforementioned people every day in my daily prayer. I can also tell you that my church is known for being a praying church so had they been asked to pray for these individuals and their families, they would have. 

  1. Do you know that LGBT youth whose families reject them are 8.4 times more likely to attempt suicide than LGBT youth whose families support them?

Yes. I wrote a college paper at my very conservative Baptist University on the topic. Does being a Christian mean I reject my children for anything? No. Would you reject your son or daughter for being an alcoholic? No, you would get him/her help. Being against something doesn’t mean hating or rejecting it. 

  1. Have you vocally objected when church leaders and other Christians have compared same-sex relationships to things like bestiality, incest, and pedophilia?

No. They’re all equally unnatural. It’s not saying that homosexuals are basically incestual pedophiles, come on. That’s not the same at all. However, they’re all unnatural acts just as murder is an unnatural act. None of them are okay. As far as sin goes, you can put homosexuality, murder, lying, adultery, idolatry, and anything else on the same level. They’re all comparable. Sin = sin.

  1. How certain are you that God’s will for all gay Christians is lifelong celibacy?

Not certain at all. I’m certain that God’s will for all sinners is to come to the father through his Son Jesus Christ. 

  1. What do you think the result would be if we told all straight teenagers in the church that if they ever dated someone they liked, held someone’s hand, kissed someone, or got married, they would be rebelling against God?

I see where you’re going with this. All I can say is there is no evidence of that being a rebellion against God whereas, there’s a lot of evidence against homosexuality in the Bible. So that’s not really a good comparison. I understand what you’re saying, though it doesn’t mean it’s right. And also, in some churches, they DO tell teenagers those things. They limit their physical contact until marriage, the way God ordained it to be. Which, actually, when you think about it, isn’t really a bad idea.

  1. Are you willing to be in fellowship with Christians who disagree with you on this topic?

Yes, but that doesn’t mean changing my mind or feelings on the subject. My beliefs stand where they stand just as theirs stand where theirs stand.

Well that’s that.

If anyone has any other questions for me, I am free and open to answering them.

Again, this was not a stab at anyone, but just me answering questions someone had, and answering them honestly.

I do, however, take offense and go on the defense when people who do not study the Bible try and use it against me, someone who DOES study the Bible very diligently. I will defend the Word of God very much like a guard dog would defend his owner. If you bark, I will bark back. It’s not trail mix, you can’t pick out the pieces you like and leave out what you dislike. It doesn’t work like that. If it did, we wouldn’t have every word in it that we do.

I don’t really know what else to say after all of that so I guess I’ll just leave this all here and see you next time.

XOXO, HL.

4 thoughts on “40 questions for Christians who oppose gay marriage–answered by a Christian.

  1. Ok I’d like to comment only on the first question you’ve answered. You seem like a genuine Christian who believes very much like I do. I am a born again Christian and was raised in a Bible based home.
    Here’s the thing, I have same sex attractions and this goes against everything I’ve been taught and what I believe.
    Now I promise you that I didn’t wake up one day and make a choice to be attracted to other guys. In fact, if it was a choice, I would absolutely change my mind. But the fact is, it’s there. I’ve ignored it, I’ve tried to deny it and I’ve fought against it, but it’s there. You can believe it’s a choice and you can tell me it’s a choice, and I’ll tell you how I’ve been fighting this ‘choice’ for years.
    I didn’t read the rest of the questions because I couldn’t get past that one.
    I just wanted to share that with you.
    Oh and one more thing, the way most people approach the subject of homosexuality is to focus on the sex. As though that is what defines homosexuality. But what if two homosexuals don’t practise anything physical, yet love each other and decide to spend the rest of their lives together? Is that wrong?

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    1. Hello Jesse! First let me apologize for this comment taking so long to be approved, I honestly didn’t see it here, so please don’t think I ignored it! I see your side, I truly do. I’m not condemning you, knocking you, attacking you, any of that. In fact, I love you without even knowing you. Know that. I do believe that all of us (because we’re born sinners) are born with certain sins which are stronger than others. By that I mean the temptations for certain things are stronger. I grew up in an alcoholic home and I’ve noticed in my later years (I partied A LOT in high school. more than I like to admit) that I have to fight the urge to give in to that temptation. You have no idea how often I want to have a drink but I have to fight it. Am I comparing homosexuality to alcoholism? absolutely not! I’m just trying to give a real example of something I too struggle with. I don’t necessarily think drinking is a sin, but it is a temptation I have to fight. As far as your second question goes, if two people truly love each other, I don’t think the physical aspect can be left undone. That’s human nature. In the small chance that is is avoided, I would say yes, the act itself still goes against the Word.

      You’re a born again Christian and you are saved by grace. You’ve admitted that. No one has the authority (other than God) to condemn you. You are saved by his Son and safe from His wrath. He loves you still, and so do I. you are a child of God and not a single sin or a single person can take that away from you. Be blessed!

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  2. I was lead here through a series of articles. I began with the original questions (40 Questions you can ask fellow Christians now waving rainbow flags) and that lead to the 40 questions that you answered above. Someone had posted a link to your blog in the comments under those questions. I just wanted to say that you did a fantastic job of answering those questions. I could only shake my head and rant at my computer as I read them. You have answered them exactly as I would have, only more eloquently. I appreciate your willingness to stand up for what you know to be true and for defending the Word of God.

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    1. thank you, Donna! It wasn’t me, but Him through me answering. I wouldn’t have been able to answer honestly without Him leading me. Glory be to God, always. Thank you for your kind words!

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